According to pop culture's favorite female characters, the very best thing a girl can be is Not Like Other Girls. But what's that doing to girls in real life?
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I find this frase so funny. "She's not like other girls." Of curse not, she's not like me, like any of my friends, like this girl over there and any of her friends. She's not like other girls but neither are the other girls like other girls. Everyone is unique.
What is annoying is how much of a difference society thinks there is between the girl who's "not like other girls" and girls who are. Like I am a cheerleader, wear makeup everyday, love shopping and chick flicks and Top 40, and I also love reading classic literature, and playing classical pieces on my piano, and playing sports. Fuck people who say that girls have to fit into one category or another.
I think it also might go back to bullying. At least for me. The girls who did everything that "girls" are supposed to do, where the ones who attacked me for not doing it. For not wearing make-up, tanning, for caring about my grades and not caring about boys. They tried to tear me apart for it. I can't speak for everyone, but when I think "other girls" those monsters of my adolescence come to my mind. I've grown out of using the phrase "not like other girls". But even when I said it I was saying "I'm not like THOSE girls. I'm not mean."
How is River Song an exception? Like obviously, she's the daughter of **SSSPPPPPOPPIILEEERRR ALLLLLLLEEEEEEERRT** Amy and Rory, part Time Lord and everything, but I never really thought of her as special in that sense?
Wait.... so I've just imagined it when people say "you're not like other guys"? I've heard this directed towards me and towards other guys my entire life....but I guess that was just my imagination...???
Look, "you're not like other girls" or "you're not like other boys" is a perfectly normal response that people have for those who don't fall within expected patterns of behavior. Most women are feminine and most guys are masculine, and they usually display those behaviors to some degree or another. When somebody says "you're not like other....." they are simply noticing that the person is a little different than the typical person of that gender. It does not mean they hate other girls/boys or have internalized misogyny/misandry. It just means that people identify with those who share similar traits, and those traits tend to be gendered to a degree. When people notice that somebody doesn't fall within those traits, they might see it as a pleasant surprise.
When a guy meets a woman and ends up dating her, he might expect that he'll have to watch some movies he doesn't like, or go to social gatherings that don't interest him, or talk about things that don't interest him. He has to cut out time that he might have otherwise spent on sporting events or video games, because she might not like those things. This is expected. You sacrifice for a relationship, it is expected. Hell, before I got married, I used to spend saturdays in the fall watching college football all day, and top it off by playing video games or going out with friends to shoot pool at the local bar. Now my saturdays are mostly spent taking care of the house or going to social gatherings that our friends have going on. Although if my team is playing, I will still make time to watch them. My evenings now are mostly netflix and cuddling. Sacrifice is typical in a relationship. Now, let's say a guy meets a girl who likes video games, she is crazy about football, and she likes to drink beer and shoot pool. Yeah, the guy may say "you're not like other girls" and he may see it as a good thing. But that is not because he views other girls/women as bad. No, he sees it as a good thing because they she shares the same interests as him and he has to sacrifice very little of who he is and what he likes to do. He sees it as a good thing not because he hates women, he sees it as a good thing because he likes being able to do all of the things he loves with the person he loves. This is common fucking sense.
Is this really the path that feminism is taking these days? The movement lately seems like a collective of people wearing tin foil hats. Reading secret misogyny and oppression into absolutely everything. Guys like women who are into traditionally guy things? It MUST be because men hate women and women and feminine things. It couldn't be that people in generally simply like those who are passionate about the same things as they are. That makes too much sense. It MUST be hatred of all that is feminine!
People lose their jobs when they talk out against feminism.
You may hear people call you as stupid SJW on the internet, but in general overall society, it is looked down upon if you disagree with feminism or any other known "social justice" cause. It is politically incorrect to disagree with feminism, even if you do so in a respectful manner. There is a reason why my name is an anonymous name, despite the fact that I believe in equality and am left leaning. I don't always agree with feminist and other social justice methods and I don't want my name to be tied to that, even if I'm expressing my opinions in a polite or non-harassing way.
Not really. Feminism has a platform. It is supported by the public at large. It is politically incorrect to shout down feminism and those who vocalize their disagreement with feminism are demonized and labeled as misogynists. On the flip side, if men want to fight for any issue that they face, it is not supported by the public at large, and it is not taken seriously by anybody, especially feminists, who should be supporting it if they go by the dictionary definition of feminism. Yet a man, can and often will be labeled a misogynist by simply suggesting that men face discrimination in any way(for example, unfair courts denying many fathers equal parental rights) and wanting to do something about it.
That is kind of the ultimate lose/lose situation. If you try to say that boys face the same or similar issues, feminists tell you that it isn't up to them to touch on those issues(all the while claiming they're about equality). So they say, "if it matters so much to you, you should do something about it". But then if you do make a video about it, angry feminists try to shut it down, while shouting "MRA! Misogynist!"
NAWALT's are like unicorns, they do not exist. All women are the same on a subconscious level and yes all men are the same on a subconscious level. The differences are only on the surface, in the superficial preferences by which we live our lives in different social environments, but down deep, mother nature knows what's best for the species, even if we hate her choices. :)
Seriously, you can make a trope out of anything these days it seems. Actually portray girls in a positive way outside of the typical female stereotypes of innocent, delicate and feminine, and there you have it: another trope that is equally sexist. Sorry but this all seems you basically can't make one fucking thing right anymore. I am a woman and I GENERALLY find people who are "not like every other normal person" more interesting and appealing... I think this is just a normal thing everyone can identify with, and it affects girls as much as men. That doesn't mean that of course more "normal" people are worth less.
However, I am kind of really annoyed by this whole trope thing. I mean it's literally the case that no matter how you write a female character, you're gonna be wrong. Make it typically feminine, you are being sexist and anti-feminist. Actually take care and create a well-written female character outside of stereotypes. Well, you created just another stereotype. I have the feeling there are only very few options now to really write a female character. Well, when you wanna have a female character reading books, you better not make her wear glasses because that could be too close to another stereotype! Geez... it's really getting on my nerves. I bet all thos examples shown really just wanted to portray individual female characters instead of fucking representing ALL women. We have to get rid of this idea that any female character in any movie or book is a representative of ALL women in some magical way...
Me too. I really really needed something like this at that age. Nobody seems to talk about or even care about boys' struggles though. Maybe they don't know that guys experience the same social pressure to not be a certain way.
I hate that the girl who's "not like other girls" also for some reason can't be a girly girl or she's fake and mean. So said special snowflake is a tom boy who hates dresses, heels, makeup, and the color pink. Because for some reason pink is evil?
Yes thank you! I use to have friends that would put down being feminine as bad and do the whole "im not like other girls". I ended up repressing my love for feminine things and try whatever i could to not be girly. I realized that that wasn't be and i can be feminine wear dresses and makeup and be strong. That is what i am doing, i lost those friends (for other reasons) and my friends support being feminine.
aaand whenever they're like "i like you cause you're not like the other girls", i just feel like "yeah that's called invididual but could you please stop talking badly about "the other girls" just for making the point that you like me? this is so rude, i also don't walk around like "all guys are so blablabla and this and that but i like you because you're not like them" - why insult a whole gender just for trying to make a compliment?
I don't think looking for a girl that is 'not like other girls' suggests that men see anything wrong with being like a girl, but rather with being plain. I don't think it's strange at all that people find themselves more interested in people who are unique and different and 'not like the others'. I also don't think it's fair to say that it is just men who do this. I will fully admit that I'm personally more attracted to guys who are 'not like other guys', who are sensitive and kind and a little quirky as opposed to stereotypical 'manly men'.
Besides that I also think that guys simply like girls who like things they like like sports and videogames just like girls like guys who like things they like like shopping or romantic movies. (Yes I know I am generalizing here but I hope you get what I mean)
If you're "not like other girls" it's basically an understated and more modest way of saying "special". You're the exception to the rule.
I suppose one can interpret that as being condescending to the rest of the demographic. But don't we all want to find someone we consider "special". At least in a monogamous romantic setting or when picking a close circle of friends we tend to prefer the cream of the crop (by whatever metric we may use to measure that).
Being different also makes a character relateable to pretty much everyone as we all have some point in our lives were we remember feeling like an outcast. Social interaction is an eternal quest for balance between outside approval and self-respect at odds with each other to manifest as self-esteem.
It's hard for me to see this as a derrogatory thing to women as a whole.
I think you're hitting some very interesting topic of discussion. But a lot of red flags are poping up for me when I see how many apparent girls in the comment section agree about these feelings of internalized sexism. I can't empathize with those petty and derrogatory views (at least not towards women), and it makes me wonder if the idea that this is socially approved and enforced by the patriarchally normative worldview is actually projection of one's own negative feelings. Particularly the ones from activists that believe in and oppose an oppressive patriarchal regime.
I do see parallels with a contempt I used to hold for some more traditional male characatures (dumb jock, alpha douche, etc). I suppose the bimbo trope did stand in my mind... but only as a derivative of "popular kid". But those for me fall objectively in my "dumb self-centred shit I outgrew" box I put away, ultimately it was the product of my own insecurity by comparison that kinda dissappeared when I grew more confident in myself. They're synonymous with immaturity for me, and because of that I consider them the opposite of socially encouraged.
TL;DR: Do you (women/feminists/whatever you want to label this demographic as) see an oppressive and derrogatory system because that's actually how society actually views women? Or is it more largely you/them/us projecting one's own internalized sexism on authority figures? Because I really don't think that's what's being deliberately or even subconsciously inferred here. There are some much less complex answers that don't rely on factors outside the situation itself to how this happens.
+Rachel Froehlich Yea, grasping for straws of approval from peers and prospective lovers is always a fine line with disaster on either side. You either kill yourself trying to please everyone or amount to nothing by ignoring all meaningful metrics for success unless you hit a proper balance.
I guess is see "not like other girls" as more of a shot at conforming for conformity's sake. And less of there being something inherently wrong with "other girls". I can't say who's right about subjectives. Whether or not it does damage depends on the listener and I can't speak on their behalf. But the speaker I understand a little and assure that there's no underlying contempt necessarily at play.
Considering the widespread of the use of the term, I think it's a pretty good indicator that such men (and indeed women who do the same thing) have a pretty solid grasp of appreciating different interpretations of attractive already. I mean... it's kinda weird to peg men as having an expectation for one kind of acceptable standard if "not like other girls" is such a compliment in their vocabulary.
Personally I don't even really use "not like other girls" as a compliment much anyway. It kinda fits the high schooler mentality of "I'm right and everyone else is wrong" that I feel I've outgrown and in my experience, yes... she IS in fact like other girls.
Oh and to answer your questin, sure I think that some things are unequal in a bad way by our male dominant society but that it really shouldn't be an issue to thigs like this that, your right, really don't have much to do with that. I totally think it's woman against woman here, us thinking we know ehat is feminine and projecting this belief system on eachother. And I know that this happens wit guys too, maybe it's just that women being in the social sphere more, with voting rights now and the like, that we are just bow starting to come to terms with the fact that we our selves have a problem with determining what a girl is. And as apparent by this video, we still rely a lot on males opinion for how great we are and in doing that we try and be not like other girls. And I think us doing this and eating to rely on guys for approval has nothing to do with the guys but with us wanting to show that we think we can make our selves more appealing to the opposite sex when we act differently. It is totally more a reflection of us and how we choose to define ourselves. And maybe once we start to realize this, guys can also start to realize that there are so many types of people who are attractive to different people. I don't know about how we project onto authority figures, but i figure that probably happens as well. Sorry for such a long response haha
I think that you bring up some really good points and I liked reading your response. I completely think that we are looking for someone special and we all want to be special, of course, but the bad comes from when we want to be special and we perceive a crowd of ehat we think of us normal to be bad. I think that girls do this especially when looking at the popular girls and we think that it's terrible how they have conformed to a standard when in reality us judging that is just as terrible and judgemental as we think that they are towards us. I'm not sure how this happens among the male population but I would like to know! When I was watching this video, I wasn't thinkig about how this is sexism and occurs because of a patriarchy, I was just thinking it was a girl empowerment video to think about how cool andgreat we are as women and not about how we are "pushed down by the men" because that's not how I took it. And I agree, I totally think it's some ting that you grow out of. Interestingly though I think that we do rely on the opposite gender a lot for validation, we as in men and women, because who else are we supposed to find out from how appealing we are?
I am not like other girls simply because I do not share the same DNA with any one but my family. :p But other wise I am like other girls because we all do different things and we also do some of the same things. Were all just fabulous!
I hear "not like other girls" all the time in the media but I never really paid attention to it until now. I hate how females are separated in two groups: girly girl or boyish girl. I am a female. No labels needed.
I remember going to a Mary Kay meeting when I was 18 and being utterly overwhelmed with all the happy, beautiful, nice women there. It was honestly scary to me. And then the more I got to know them all and realize it was all genuine, that they weren't going to talk about me as soon as I left the room or do mental comparisons, I just got really sad for women. That it's not considered normal for us to just get together and love on each other and only think good things. To want to help and motivate each other instead of tear each other down to look better.
When I was a teen, I looked down at ALL my peers, no matter what gender. Cause you know, I was a special teen. *flips hair* then I read "catcher in the rye" and realized how stupid I was (Holden was sooo annoying, but I related to him :/).
I think it depends on the people you're surrounded with. The girls I grew up surrounded by were either mostly aggressive, trying to be like guys, or quiet and quirky like me. When I got to high school, I did my best to try and be like a typical girl in order to fit in - then I found a bunch of people who liked me quirky, and spent a while trying to regain those quirks I'd lost before. Now I've come to a point where I realise that no, I'm do not correspond at all to the stereotypical "girl" image, but that doesn't make me better or worse than any of my girl friends who do. And the fact that they *do* correspond to the stereotype doesn't mean they'll necessarily hate me for being different.
Note that I'm 29 and people tend to become more open-minded in general as they age, I think. ^^
This is pure bs. Being not like other guys is also a major compliment for men. Its a compliment given to women and men because everyone wants to believe they are better and more unique than all the other people who they are always trying to stand out from. Also that the people they have chosen to be around are the best choices they could have made.
There were a lot of cartoons when I was growing up showing the pink blonde fashionable girl being a bitch and a bully. Whereas the frumpy girl who took no care of her appearance (but was somehow flawless anyway) was the hero.
Took me a long time to admit to myself I liked 'girly' things as well as games and star wars and stuff. Stuff is just stuff.
Eh. I see your point to a certain extent, but I am personally really thankful for this troupe. Growing up, I always felt like there was a very small box of "girl." I did (and still do) have several qualities of this list: I wear glasses, I read whole books, I didn't care about fashion, recently gave up wearing makeup, I was one of the only girls as a teenager who would eat around books. The fact that I can respect traditional femininity doesn't mean I always identify with it. There are tons of ways I am "not like" the majority of my friends- and that's okay. It's good even. I don't discount someone as a friend if they have more stereotypical feminine interests than me, but it does logically decrease the odds that we will have as much to talk about.
just started watching these videos at random and noticed they were all older. so i went into the channel to see when the most resent video was published. this is a good place, glad to see it still running.
Hey Cristen, I've been really curious about this since there's a lot of controversy between my friends if this is true or not.
Lots of people say that you bleed during your first time, y'know, fornicating, but I'm pretty sure that you don't.
I've looked it up and it says that it hurts and that you bleed and that's the case with everyone, but then I see other people say that you're not supposed to bleed and it's not supposed to hurt.
I watched your video 5 Reasons Why Sex Hurts Vagina Edition, but there was nothing on the actual "cherry popping" thing. Help please? I want to clear it up with my friends so it isn't fogging up everyone's point of view on sex nowadays.
loved the vid! I feel like its hard to perceive ourselves as individuals when the only thing we promote on most media outlets is this overly perfect yet quirky version of a barbie/ken doll. and in creating these genres of people the viewer attempts to place themselves in one of several bins, this is a horrible way to look at ourselves. Anyway great vid
This is the distinction between female led movies these days. Yes the Hunger Games is a huge franchise that has a female lead and that's awesome. But we also need stories of normal women. Like Blue Jasmine's Cate Blanchett. Strong female character, like Katniss, is all well and good, but it shouldn't be the only way a film casts a female lead.
i stopped at 1:40 just to say this real quick bit...That is "capitalism" in play. not the economic ideations and rationales...well maybe. But being competitive and going against each other...yeah, that only works for those wanting the "best" and not the "better"... ok, i'll be right back after finishing the video
I'm "not like other girls." But I don't see this as a good thing, honestly.
I used to play sports (can't anymore from injuries), VERY rarely wear makeup, like comic books, dress comfortably. I do math problems for fun! But do these things make me more desirable to men? Absolutely not. Quite the opposite, actually. Men want nothing to do with me. Even women want noting to do with me involving just friendship. If you're a "stereotypical" female, enjoy it.
Hi Cristen! I hope you are doing well this Saturday. I absolutely love this video you created: the content, the flow, the balance of the seriousness of the message with your signature witty comic-relief in delivery sprinkled in. It is really moving and I am very impressed. I wish I could articulate (about anything really) as you do because whether the tone or topic of your message is serious or silly or cheerful, you manage every time to deliver each message in an easy to follow and coherent manner. Thank you very much for your videos!
In addition, I have been wanting to contribute a question for you for some time now. I wanted it to be a good one (good being relative to my opinion), so I waited until the spark finally flickered. The question I have for you is: Why can it feel that attractive people unintentionally intimidate or "knock one off their feet" when first meeting them? Another way to ask this question is, why does star-struck work?
Moral of the story, don't learn how to be a person from watching or reading about fictional characters in fictional situations.
It is far, far more effective to take on real life role models.
Honestly many of your real life role models won't be like other people.
Sometimes to become a role model, it takes Mother Teresa's abnormal self-sacrifice and compassion, or Margaret Sanger abnormal boldness and conviction. If you save thousands of lives, or if you fight to legalize contraceptives, massively reducing STIs and unintended pregnancies, then you don't have to say, "I'm not like other people", everyone knows you're not like other people. Go out and be extraordinary. Not extraordinary for a girl, or a guy, or for your age, but take role models who challenge you to surpass any living being that has come before you.
Excellent point. Isn't it interesting how real life role models can both save lives and be responsible for deaths? Many fictional role models, particularly in pop culture, are much more high contrast, good or bad. Real life role models show you examples of both successes, and mistakes that you can learn from. They let us see that most things we do, and actions we take, will have a cost.
One of the bad things a guy can say to me on a date is that "you're not like other girls." I just want to scream that "yes I bloody well am, just because you haven't challenged your narrow views on womanhood does not make me 'special!' "
But here I disagree with you. I dont think that the "not like other.." is especially something that is a problem for girls, but rather that it is just a problem for teenagers in general who struggle with their own identity. Everybody wants to be special and wants the same attention as a mother would give a child, but going on most of have to accept that we are just one other homo sapiens on this world, who shares mostly the same attributes with his peers. To make this psychological problem an object of feminist critque just seems misplaced to me. Also every guy wants to be special, its just part of growing up.
I'm so glad more people are realising this! It's okay to be girly!
Next time a guy says 'you're not like the other girls' say 'Yes i am', and let him realise that everyone is the same, and everyone is different. No one fits in one box. And it doesn't matter if some of the categories you fit into are stereotypical.
+Peter Dvornik, it's usually meant as a complement. But it suggests that women shouldn't be women, they should be some hyper breed or something. Like 'girl' is bad but, 'not like other girls' is good. Which is stupid if you think about it. :)
And we can thank pop culture for adding "as long as your hot" to everything. Nerdy? It's cool as long as you're hot. Crass? It's cool as long as you're hot. Break all the gender norms you want as long as you still have an underlying 'feminine' beauty.
Manic Pixe Dream Girl comes to mind. i'm actually drawn tough minded women like Claire from House of cards.Standard femininity does seem to be an overall negative they way it's parodied in pop culture.
Hi, Cristen. I've always been very very shy at school (to the point of which I've purposely avoided social interactions), but I'm quite the animated character at home. People continuously ask me why I'm so quiet, yet I'm not sure I have found a reason. How do I overcome this hump of awkwardness and shyness in public, and just be myself? Thanks! (I love your videos!)
I couldn't agree more!
I think because we've been taught that women and girls are all those mysoginistic, negative things (weak, dumb, vain, crazy, emotional, shallow etc) we just want to not be that. I mean we're more than that! Because of course nobody is actually a walking stereotype.
So these "other girls" we're trying to separate ourselves from don't actually exist. They're just an idea.