A 14-year-old asks Cristen for help about not wanting kids and how to deal with people who say she will one day. Cristen also shares her own feelings on becoming a mother.
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It pisses me off when people ask me why I don't want kids, their like of come on. 1. IM NOT PUSHING A KID OUT OF MY VAGINA. 2. If I don't I'll have more freedom. 3. If I meet a guy who does I'll adopt.
First off - it's a totally personal thing but let's consider why this is such a weird topic... For most, I hope they won't have kids because they're so horrible... So when you're 14 you... I'm sorry... have no clue how your next few years will change you and your views, let alone till the end of your fertility. The only person I truly believe doesn't want kids and never will if when they're the older sibling forced to take care of younger siblings - so you kill your parenting instincts before they have a chance to develop, for other people I can't be sure. I changed my mind overnight, I was also convinced I wanted to be a hardcore programmer or vet with no kids. I also never ask unless it's a friend or out of small talk. And I would say reproduction, in a biological sense, is the point of life - aka passing on information, so you DNA, your knowledge, views and values... so it makes sense why it would be considered weird not wanting one.
It's not am must or "moral duty", it's just wanting to share something great, not wanting someone to miss out on it because they may have a distorted picture of it. I hate hearing child-hatting bitter women (or men) spew their nonsense to others, all the "horrors" they never had the privilege to experience yet somehow know so much about. If your reference is your crappy childhood I can honestly say we all have screwed up family patterns (even in a happy home), it's up to each individual to recognize and change them, it sounds lazy to use this as a reason.
Anyone saying there's too many of us - yea, it's not the educated/1st world countries that are the problem so you'd make the non-educated/heavily religious/3rd world the majority with your "sacrifice". Also I think childless people go out of their way to say how happy they are and it's a bit weird or sketchy, like some are trying to lie so much it would become the truth - you know, fake it till you make it "It's not so bad, it's GREAT ACTUALLY!" eye twitches*.
The birth rate is not lower than it’s ever been and that’s a goddamn bullshit bald face lie. We have the highest production right now in the United States we’ve ever had in history we’re soaring it 300 million people in the US right now and climbing every day it’s Like come on people that’s what Trojan was invented to prevent.
I’ve been saying since I could talk that I knew I would never have a biological child or get married and still everyone tells me I’ll grow out of that thinking and BAM one day I’ll feel that bio clock tick inside my uterus. I’m soon 24 and still have no desire for a child even though I consider myself a very maternal person. It sucks constantly being questioned of my own wants and decisions for a lifetime and it is unfair. I feel like it makes me question my own self and my self worth as a woman. It makes me feel like the only way out of loneliness is to have a family of my own and by that way is the only way I’ll ever experience real love and connection. I feel like these areas of pressure creates fear not desire. I don’t want to feel less of a human or a woman if I decide to not procreate. I do not want my life to be less empty if I do not attach and commit my life to someone my else’s. Is finding who I am and experiencing my own life really that selfish?
I remember being asked this question for the first time... IN KINDERGARTEN!! Like, that was a question they asked me, "do you want kids," before I even knew what that meant, having a child. I was asked that question so often, it became a natural instinct to avoid the subject and change it if it came up, because I don't want kids, and all I ever hear is, "you'll change your mind." Maybe I will, but that's for me to decide.
Hello! Great video! I am thirty six (36 in 2018) and I do not have any biological, adopted or step children. I do not wish to have any either. Having partner / boyfriend / life mate? YES, I am ok with that. Having pets to share my life with? YES, I am ok with that. Children? NO, thank you. I respectfully decline. All the best to everyone out there. NO matter what choices you make or what situation you are in. XOXO
I want a boyfriend / partner / significant other / husband / lover / - whatever you want to call them. I do not want children. I never have wanted children and I never want any. I don't want my partner to have kids and I want him to be happy to NEVER have any. Plus because I am a vegan (plant based), non-smoker, non-drinker, introverted and 36 years of age (as I write this it is the year 2018) - it might be a little more challenging to meet a guy. Let's see, shall we?! - After all meeting guys in real life and online has proven challenging so far. Maybe I should just focus on work, travel and making lots of money! If you're reading this and in the same boat as me - good luck to you and may you find happiness. :-) Peace out!
I'm young, but I don't want kids, i have a lot of mental issues and other stuff like a weak immune system and an upside down uterus, these are why i dont want to ever give birth, i dont want the pain, and i don't want to pass those down. Plus i want to go into a science career, either biology or astronomy, so having a child could be a problem for this, i also don't ever plan on being a stay at home mom, or be financially dependant on someone else, i have seen and lived how bad that is thanks to my asshole dad cheating on my mom. Besides I know for a fact a mother can love her adoptive child just as much as a mother can love her biological child. Thanks to my amazing little brother.
I hate kids hate they think adults are walking banks,hate that they think they can get away with shit,hate that they ruin relationships out of pettiness,hate that you can do the,things you used to do and they whine or complain just to piss you off to get therr way basically children arent for me and never will be
My husband made the "mistake" of announcing at a family dinner, that we didn't want kids, and were informed by his cousin's wife that we were "sick" for not wanting children. Interestingly, the cousin cheated on her and they wound up divorcing and she raised 3 boys by herself
I'm 26 years old. I've been married for 5 years and I'm still in school. Never had a motherly bone in my body. People seem to always want to make me feel horrible about my decision to not have children. My dad has insisted that I'm starting to get old and dried up and my mother in law is always talking about how she was my age when she first got pregnant. Cool. I've thought about changing my mind because my parents are starting to be in ill health, but they had their time with us and it wouldn't be right to bring another human being into this world for someone else. I'm very comfortable with my lifestyle and my freedom. I'll pass. 🤷♀️
My sister was seventeen when she got pregnant and ever.since i been watching my niece while my sister is working at mc donalds and she comes home and I still have to watch her then my sister leaves with her friends its like my niece is my daughter all my sister spends her money on is going out to eat and on concert tickets for devour and old school keep in mind I'm 14 #so stressed 😔😔😔then she got mad at me cause I told her I don't wanna have kids and I still dont.i just wanna live life kidless
The thing is that people smart enough to raise them carefully assess the idea, sometimes deciding not to have them. Unfortunately the dumbest people on the world are the ones reproducing at the highest rate...
Honestly even if I change my mind later after getting my tubes tied there's a thing called adoption I don't know if you heard about it it's a thing were you adopted a child that's not biologically yours but it's still your fucking kid so yeah
The problem is that so many people with kids start to identify themselves, and their lives, by the fact that they have children, so they can no longer perceive the concept of NOT having them. So they don't understand the viewpoint of people who don't want children, and instead, they try to push their own views on them. It sucks so much...
she is hitting the nail on the head choice over duty. Dont forget the baby boomers are good portion of the population and they are getting up there. Hopefully the population steadies over the years to the same number after the baby boomers. So it is her choice. but the population is going take a dive after the baby boomers. Soo
As a child I was abused both physically and mentalily. When I got to adulthood, I knew there was a possibility that becasue I was an abused child, I could as records would show, be a child abuser. Thus to break the chain and aviod the possibitity, I never wanted children. For one reason or another I've been married and divorced three times. Prior to all three at some point in the early dating process, I'd deliberately ask about the possibility of having children and if their answer's was yes. I'd break off the relationship and look for another. The women I eventually married all answered a definate "NO" when asked about having children in out future, and thus the dating eventuall lead to the alter. It was never more than two years into the marriage when, for whatever reason they changed their minds and wanted at least one child. It was then that I discused my early past and the deceision not to have children out of the fear of possibilities, which records would show is more than likely than not for me to be an abuser.
All three times, it came down to sink or swim, meaning we will have kids or we will split up. All three times, inorder to make the realationship work, we had one or to two children. Beasue of my fear which was with just cause, becasue I did at one point find myself abuseing one of my children. Though I was able to stop, I made it apoint to be less involved with them then a father should be. Doing such caused conflicts with my spouse and the conflicts lead to our eventual divorce.
Thankfully I old now, and so is my current wife, which make her number four. She is well beyound child bearing years, thus it's no longer an issue. Though my first three marriges combined were only 10 years, my present marriage is a bit past 13 and still going strong.
I concur that if and when a person brings up the question of having children in the future. They folow suit and don't change their minds. It will always turn out to be a bad or sad situation, ALWAYS.
I would like to know what it's like to have a child one day but people that choose to be child-free I'm not against them either because to be honest a child is not for everybody I have tons of friends who don't want to have children and you know what that's fine like I said children are not for everyone I don't get why people would attack you guys for it
I myself HAVE enjoyed the company of kiddies; however, I don't want my own, because life is stressful enough already (eg just something like remembering how to reassemble a new type of hoover!), without having the responsibility of children.
Lmao why are you shit holes so pathetic about someon else's decision as if you'll help father and pay for the child's every expanses. A few extra dollars in taxes versus the hundreds of dollars your kids suck up doesn't make a dent. Besides, lmao those childless people get married so they get the benefit of paying fewer in taxes
I think asking about anyone's fertility issues is out of line and it is none of anyone's business but the two immediate people that are actually raising that said child. I don't want to hear a single thing from you unless you, the person asking about someone's fertility, is willing to be providing for the child and actively spending the energy, money and time in raising this child.
Quite honestly, I think everyone gets judged no matter what choice you make. You get judged when you chose not to have children, you also get judged for how many children you and your partner decide to have, for the sex of the child that you pop out (or your partner pops out, as if people can chose!!) and even on how you raise your child(ren)!! Are you familiar with the whole mom-shaming (or dad-shaming! I'm sure that exists too even tho it might be less common)? I say do what you want and what works for you as long as there is no abuse, neglect or immediate harm to anyone.
Besides- asking about other people's fertility issues totally negates the fact that some people cannot have biological children for medical reasons (to the fault of no one 99.99% of the time of course!) and it is unkind and unhelpful to ask about their fertility issues. Lets be sensitive, kind and compassionate to those people. People struggling with fertility do not owe you a 5-page public explanation of why they cannot have a child.
I'm asexual and I don't want children. I know that there can actually be good times and you can really enjoy having children, but I don't think I would be a good mother. Maybe I can adopt a child one day, but I'm never having own children.
Also I think it's really hilarious how everybody understands you, if you don't wanna have a pet. But if you don't wanna have a baby? How dare you!?
It is OK not to want kids. I didn't want kids myself... Yet here I am 27years old and 12 weeks pregnant. 😥 I will hug every woman who say "I have no kids" and I will say I love you. Even with me being pregnant I STILL don't want this dang baby, but I just as abortion was not an option, giving up, killing, abusing or neglecting my baby is NOT an option neither. I am going to put my big girl panties on and take care of my baby, who lnows my feelings may change once the baby come.
One thing no one ever told me was that hormones will make you feel looney, and the changes is your body would have you want to die an early death. I had pain or discomfort so being pregnant is not fun ladies. Tighten those knees and be freeeeeee 🕊🕊🕊 cause once it happens you can't reverse it!
I've always thought to myself how fucked up it is that people have children solely to please themselves without giving it one thought! They have kids then allow the kids to live through Hell all out of stupidity and selfishness. I think this about my parents all the time and sometimes I just want to say you two had no place procreating!!! I would rather not of been conceived! People really don't think about it at all because it is engrained in our society.
Do you know how many times I was told "you will change your mind" or "I guarantee you'll want kids when you're older"??? I knew I didn't want children from a very young age and when I was a teen and in my early 20s women would always tell me that I basically didn't know what I wanted in life! Its really annoying and rude to assume every women on earth wants children and that we need to have children! I see people all the time saying things to women like "when are you guys going to have a baby?" or "I can't wait until you two get pregnant" or "you'll be such a good mother" and saying these things to strangers like youtubers for example. Like Wtf??? Who said they want to be a mother or want to get pregnant! I'm 31 and STILL no kids and I ain't having any still!
My mom said I was selfish for not wanting a kid. They always say “what if your husband wants a kid?” Okay well I’m not gonna have a kid for the sake of someone else? That’s not fair to me. He married me knowing I didn’t want kids soooo. I also get told I’m gonna change my mind and yea maybe I might but I just don’t feel like I’ll ever have that desire to have a child. But also don’t just assume? Not every one changes their mind. I got my coworker showing me videos of her grandkids to try and change my mind. It didn’t.
I'm 18 and I'm in a relationship with a 53 year old and we both aren't interested in having any kids! We been through so much had to deal with lots or trouble. We know we want to live the rest of our lives happy. And that's the same with everyone. ❤
I honestly don't like kids. Loud and annoying BUT ... I'm still going to have them.
Why? Cos they grow up. I like kids 9 and up. Teenaged are rad. And adult kids I get to hang out with will be awesome!
It's going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do in my life. Ever. I sometimes think I'm too crazy or lazy or weak... But I'm going to try!!
A 14 year old should allow her self to have the space to grow. Not sitting around thinking about if she dose or doesn’t want children. Lol that’s what I would tell her.
I’m 19 and don’t want kids. But that could change? Maybe?
Why dose everyone have to be so left or right on certain issues. “Maybe, in the future” is a great answer as well.
I see nothing wrong with anyone who doesn't want kids anymore than I see anything wrong with anyone who wants to be single or anything of the sort. First off, it's nobody's business. Second, it's your life, not theirs and you're not affecting anybody's life in anyway by not having kids. Besides, we have how many people in the world already? Not having one more isn't exactly gonna ruin the world. Plus, lots of people have kids for all the wrong reasons be it for their own benefit financially, for image or the most common and popular reason in the world, peer pressure. I don't want kids either. I like kids, but don't want any of my own and people can take that however they want. People use to bug me like crazy telling me I'll have kids one day or I'm selfish for not wanting kids, pick an answer. Nobody knows your future and shouldn't talk to you like they do or tell you what you should or shouldn't do. They have their opinions, but you have your life and you decide what to do with it.
I am 26 and i don't want kids not now,not in the future. But people around me keep telling me that i will have one and you will not allow anyone to touch them and you will love them more than anything and all those stuffs... So,i have bet with more than 10people (around 1lakh rupees)about me not having kids Ever.. They were like may be for money you will force yourself not to have one... And I'm like"i am not having a freaking one ever ok?"
People who have kids are jealous of people who don't. Don't get me wrong children can be a blessing but can also be a hindrance. I wouldn't want kids for nothing in the world. I like my money and freedom too DAMN MUCH!!!!
Liberal education, making people think they are an accident monkey, destroys society. This idea has already been debunked by other scientists, who dont get promoted by the mafia who currently owns the allot of the major media and wants to kill people.
Nothing wrong with that I have a sister in law who is married no kids didn’t even want any she and her husband have a great life and don’t have to be held down by having kids she told me that she’s got all of our kids and grandchildren to see more and more people in today’s society are choosing not to have kids I love mine and my grandkids but in honesty if I was pregnant right now I wouldn’t have it
I feel like most men (not all) don't want to stick around to raise a child with a woman (let alone stick around with one women period). I naturally want one deep down in my soul (even to adopt) but I don't want to be the only one taking care of a child. Having a child with a man = Very risky and highly dangerous. Could possibly destroy multiple lives in the process. (Im sure someone could say the same with a lesbian or gay couple but I'm focused on the heterosexual situation.) Well there is my individual human perception that may or may not be different than others.
I don't want my future generations to be alone, and not enough population to support each other. Also, social security is paid by those who are working. I don't want my children to work like slaves just to support freeloaders with no kids like you.
Look at Japan it's population is *actually dissolving*. Looking at you stating these words certainly don't make you sound intelligent
I am child-free by choice because of these things:
1. My health. I am obese and suffer from poor mental health. I wouldn't ever want to inflict a mother like that on any innocent child! I would prefer to be a new mother of mid 20s with less than 20% body fat so that I could be slim enough to keep up with them when it came to playtime in the playground. Yes, I could lose weight, but my mental health is a big one. I have suffered from depression, and occasional bouts of psychosis, delusions from having a series of hallucinations. I'm currently just suffering from depression at the moment but it scares me that I might become severely ill again and I don't want to ever even be in children's company in case I confuse and frighten them.
2. My maturity. I have childish issues that are unresolved and parents need to be on top of their issues before having children.
3. My beliefs. Currently, there are c.7,612,640,000 people on the planet!! And that's by the hour and minute that I am typing this comment!!!! Between 1930-1960 the world's population grew by a third! In another 15 years after that, it grew another billion!!!! THEN, it grew ANOTHER billion in 13 more years!!!!! By 1987!!!!! During the 20th century alone, the world's population has grown from 1.65billion to 6billion!!!!!! In 1970, there were roughly half as many people in the world as there are now. With that in mind, and the extinction and decline of many species in the rest of the animal kingdom, additionally, deforestation, pollution, carbon footprints etc, do we really need the world's population of humans to grow anymore?????!!!! NO!!!! In actual fact, the world is being wrung out of its resources by us and I can only conclude that this makes us more of a pest to the planet than an asset. Now, if you REALLY want to be of use to the planet, throw your energies that you would have used to procreate into conservation of our wonderful planet's animals and natural habitats. It's really the very best way we can use what we have to give back to the world.
I realise that this may all seem drastic, but it IS my opinion based on the overwhelming evidence of global warming and impact that we humans have had on our beautiful planet. Before we can procreate, we need to respect our mother earth first!
I therefore encourage more people to actively volunteer never to procreate in order to preserve the future for the planet! There are other ways we can contribute to the world's future without having to have children. We can also do things that can sufficiently educate them into becoming wonderful green adults.
Peace be with all who read this 🌈✨☮
Child free by choice Almost.25 im married and i don't want kids theres times i do but it fades for so many reasons. I prefer my pets to be honest ❤ i feel amaZing not having kids . i love my nephews but i know they arent mine so is.perfect that way for me.
I agree 100 percent that you should not have children as it would save the world the dreadful prospect of someone like you procreating. Better if you just gently die off, thank you. Good luck getting or keeping a man with that attitude, though, assuming of course that you are at all into men which may not be the case. As you get older, your situation will be quite brutal though. Particularly with a jaw like that (you have a weird jaw... not attractive). Not that I care, mind you. Aside from that, congrats on the great video!
Yes, we are "shallow" (or more concretely, biologically wired a certain way). But that is besides the point. I have been that way since I was like 7 (before I could have been "hurt" by lover or whatever else you have in mind)... and guess what? We are more or less ALL like that. More to the point: if you do not offer looks or children, what the hell do you offer? Interesting "conversation"? "Emotional support"?? A withered up vagina? Money? Not that I care, mind you. Your business, not mine. Just telling you that none of that fetches much. If you do not know that already, that is.
So, men are are so shallow that they cannot love a woman beyond her looks. Useful information to know. Leaves me wondering how badly a woman hurt you in the past to leave you so bitter. Goodbye and good luck.
That is fine, but in the not so distant future he may not want YOU either. I am a guy, and I know these things. Our minds are oriented towards fertility: young, healthy women with nice hips and curves and boobs, etc. That is what we DREAM of. Not the kids, necessarily, but the fertility or promise of fertility - definitely. Look, I don't care what you do. No skin off my back. However, mark my words because the advice I am giving you is truly disinterested. Best of luck to you.
I`m white and voluntarily childless. 7.6 billion people and counting. Remember, we live on ONE planet. I know enough about ecology to be concerned about the impacts of a huge population. And yes, people in the West consume and pollute in dangerous amounts, so I definitely don`t consider myself as selfish (rather the opposite, since people who want children often hope that they`ll get a surrogate for themselves).
See. It's very easy to be hateful. To get your kicks from trolling. I am a good friend of Alix Mordant, who would never stoop to the above. But creeps outrage me. And I am so primitive I would like to meet Miller Henry for a face to face exchange of insults. What a petty little coward. If your children read what you wrote they would cringe.
Miller Henry proves that homo sapiens is a terrible misnomer. And no matter how much I loathe trolls of his ilk, I have to admit we belong to the same race. The only race. The human race. I have no idea why he persists with his sad hate speech - to justify his grubby breeding? Don't know nor care. I am only glad that procreation has a great amount of random mutation and that his offspring have a good chance of not being cancerous creeps. The world is overpopulated. Fact. HUMANS need to reduce their population gradually, rationally. Miller Henry, I hope your brain tumour finishes you soon, to give your children a chance at life without your poisonous drivel twisting them out of shape. Civilisation progresses with every funeral, after yours it would take a great leap forward - except your are a nobody without a shred of importance. And you bore.
Alix Mordant You know full well that "Western" is a euphenism for white people and moreover you specifically referenced whites in your comment. You would never say that Africans should stop breeding, despite their high birthrates?? Of course not. Because you are in it just for the virtue signalling. So, if you are so concerned about all those pesky high-consuming whites, why don't you lead by example and kill yourself? That would be more appropriate and brave than worrying about the environmental inconveniences caused by my children. Oh, and noone cares about your shrivelled up uterus, any more than we care about your bowel movements. What do you want from us? Validation? And as to your point about civil discourse, that presupposes a basic level of intelligence that you lack. You are too stupid, and so deserve no respect.
I think the problem with parents is that they had kids just to fill out their empty voids or they can use them as a trophy, kind of like hey I have a kid worship me for it crap,or to live through their child lives since probably they didnt accomplish anything in live pretty sad if you ask me..